Owner Responsibility

Whisper at five months Timbreblue Talks in Class

It's a cold, rainy day and I guess I'm feeling a little philosophical. I have a dilemma about what "responsible owner" means, which I'll get to eventually, but two recent events set off this week's reflections.

I visited a fellow breeder, a well-respected, successful old-timer who knows more about dogs than I can ever hope to. We had a wonderful time, laughing and gossiping and looking at dogs, sitting in the sunshine and talking about everything from politics to pet owners, breeding philosophies and trends....just an all-round fun "dog day afternoon."

But I left a little unsettled. It took most of the drive home for me to sort out my feelings and I'm still working on it. It mostly came down to differences in our dog management practices. My dogs are pets. We have nine now, and they're all housedogs. We "run two packs," as a friend of mine puts it. About half, the youngsters, live mostly in the office/dog room with me. It opens into the yard and all day they're in and out of the house, on and off my lap. The older dogs live in the kitchen/dining room/living room. They're walked on leash, and spend most of their time on the sofa or curled up on the dog bed under Walt's computer. In other words, all nine don't have the run of the house together, but they all have a fairly normal "pet dog" lifestyle.

My breeder friend has about twice the number of dogs we do, one or two housedogs and the others are kenneled. They get plenty of attention, are well-cared-for, affectionate, social, and seem happy, but they don't have the soft beds, treats, rides in the car, hourly hugs, etc that mine have.

I left feeling sad for them and I thought all the way home about why, and whether I should. They don't know any other life, and as I said, they certainly love their owner and receive adequate care. And I don't dispute that this breeder knows much more than I do about dogs and breeding. So why am I left with this sanctimonious feeling that *I* could do better by those dogs? If I had 20 instead of nine, would I run things the same way I do with nine? If I were 25 years older than I am now, would I manage even as well as the other breeder does? *Are* my dogs really "happier" and what does that mean?

The second event was one I heard about from another breeder friend, which is only peripherally a dog situation, since the person involved happened to be dogsitting when it happened. It involved a woman who had been severely beaten by her boyfriend and ended up in the hospital with serious injuries. Before I could stop, I heard myself ask, "How can someone let herself get *into* that situation?" I immediately realized what a dumb question it was. I've certainly gotten myself into some situations that would elicit the same question from other people. I've never been beaten up, but I've sure done and put up with things that caused me to later look back and say, "What was I thinking??" There have been forks in the road in my life that, had I taken the other one, I might well have ended up in that woman's place. She wasn't stupid to have gotten beaten up. She was unlucky and possibly made some bad choices. I don't know -- had she just met this guy? Stayed with him ten years? Tried to leave? Who knows how much was bad fortune and how much bad decisions?

But both these incidents left me thinking, "What makes me think I couldn't have been that person? What makes me think I'm better instead of just luckier?"

A half dozen times a day I feel self-righteousness creeping up and I start a sentence with "I would never..." (or could never or have never or will never) or "How could he/she...." The hardest lesson for me in life has been to try to see through someone else's eyes, to walk in her shoes. It's not hard for me to empathize with animals. When I see a dog in pain or fear, I just ache inside for him. So why is it so hard for me to believe that most people are doing the best they can with what they have to work with? We throw around the word "irresponsible" so freely, when what we really mean is "not like me."

My dogs are up to date on their vaccinations and any illnesses are promptly treated. Is that because I'm "responsible"? Maybe. It's also because:

1) We have enough money to take them to the vet for shots and when they're sick
2) We have a car that will transport us and them to the vet
3) Our dogs are of a size and we are healthy enough that we can handle them well enough to get them in the car and to the vet
4) We know enough about dogs to know when they need shots and to recognize signs of illness
5) We are able to spend enough time at home to take note of signs of illness (i.e., we don't work two jobs each and drop in at the house just to sleep)
6) We're not so distracted by a sick parent or child, a lawsuit, marital problems, mental illness, social issues, or other of life's non-dog challenges that we fail to notice the dog is sick
7) Neither of us has cultural, social, or religious beliefs that prevent us from spending money on a dog/veterinarian.

A hang-up in any one of those areas and we'd drop from responsible owners to people who "just let the dog die because they were too irresponsible to get it to the vet."

And no, my dogs don't get hit by cars or end up in the pound. I have a good fence, our neighbors don't come through the yard, our electric meter is not in the yard, and our dogs don't dig or climb. I have a good fence because when he bought the house, Walt had enough money and dog-knowledge to have a fence built that is reliable, dog- and weather-proof, and relatively permanent. But just as important, I don't have an alcohlic or drug-addicted husband who lets the the dogs out from carelessness or spite or a teenager who has been told a million times to close the gate and doesn't. We don't have eight year old neighbor kids who go in the yard to play with the dogs and leave the gate open. I'm home during the day and if a tree fell on the fence, I'd know it and get the dogs in. I have a husband who would help me fill in holes or mend a broken place in the fence or would pay to have it done if it was beyond us.

Maybe my dogs don't get out because I'm a "responsible owner," but I think it's more because my life allows me to take care of the dogs the way I want to. Okay, within reason. Walt did say no to the $250 orthopedic cherrywood Captain's Beds I wanted for Judy and Babs (the old girls).

One of the main failings the AR philosophy has is that there is no compassion for *people.* And compassion is also the lesson that's hardest for me and for most dog lovers I know. How often does irreponsible mean "has a drunk husband" or "can't afford it" or "is seriously depressed" or "wasn't raised that way" or "just lost her job."

Sure, there are people who just plain don't give a rip, but I don't think there are nearly as many of them as we might think. There's more to a life than pet care, and sometimes pets (as well as children and spouses) take a backseat to problems that loom up and cast a shadow over weeks and even years. What we think of as "responsible" may simply be a life free (at least for the time) of bankruptcy, divorce, alcoholism, senility, mental and physical illness, poverty, or the dozen other real-life boogey-bears that wait around every corner for every one of us.

It never hurts to stop and think, "There but for the grace of God go I."

And now I just have to figure out whether I'm feeling self-righteous about not being self-righteous....

Sharyn Hutchens
November 13, 2004